Author Archives: Amanda Manney

About Amanda Manney

Hi friend, thanks for stopping by! I'm Amanda. I am a pastor's wife and a homeschooling mom who has a passion to encourage women to faithfully step every day into what God has for them.

Stop and Enjoy the Beauty of Today

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My kids keep talking about Christmas and looking at all the toy magazines we get in the mail. I, on the other hand, am just trying to enjoy the beauty of today. It is fall time! I am enjoying pumpkin spice coffee, my vanilla pumpkin marshmallow candle, the cool and crisp weather, the changing leaves, and the incredible scenery all around me. I’m so glad that God created fall!!

Sometimes I just need to remind myself to enjoy today. Enjoy the season I am in– whether it is the actual season or the season of life. Life just flies past, so I have to choose to stop for a moment and enjoy the beauty of today.

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Am I Missing My Child’s Heart?

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I read the sentence in above in the book I was reading this morning, Life-Giving Leadership by Julia Matter and it totally stopped me in my tracks. Of course the author had to use the pronoun her! Why not use he? It was just too personal to me. You see, I am having the hardest time with my little girl right now. She is five, going on ten. She pushes me on everything! She fights with me, argues with me, is attacking her brother and sisters daily… I feel like I am at the end of my rope with her. But do you know what bothers me the most? It’s her anger. She is always so angry. Nobody would ever know it. She is a sweet girl with a huge smile and matching personality. But behind that smile is a temper just waiting to explode at any moment.

The reason I have such a hard time with her anger is because I see myself in her. I know where she gets her anger from. She gets her anger from her Mama, and that’s what breaks my heart. (I am asking God for victory every day in this area.)

So that’s the back story of why these words stopped me this morning in my tracks. Is it possible that I am meeting all my daughter’s physical needs, including discipline and correction, yet totally missing her heart? I have been so focused on trying to get control of her temper, and teaching her to be nice, correcting her… but how is her heart? To be honest, I am not really sure. I have been so overwhelmed with her behavior that I haven’t had a chance to really do a heart check with her.

These words encouraged me to find some time this week to talk to her, to really talk to her– the kind of talk where I am not distracted by my other three children or all the things I need to do. To find out– how is her heart? What is going on inside that little five-year-old brain? Is she scared? Is she just bored? Does she feel unloved? Does she feel like she is competing for our attention? How is my little girl’s heart? I am committing myself to finding a time and place to be able to find out this week!

 

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Sometimes Leadership Is Painful

Being a pastor’s wife is wonderfully rewarding and amazing, but sometimes it is a source of pain. Being a leader does not come without criticism from people. If I am not careful, the criticism of others turns to bitterness in my heart. Today I was reading about hurt and pain in leadership in the book LIfe-Giving Leadership by Julia Matter.

The greatest tactic of the enemy is to get you to stop loving and ministering to others and to retreat to where it is safe… Life giving leaders know that disappointment, conflict, and pain is part of life, and to close our hearts because of the possibility of pain is to close our hearts to life…If we let issues and disappointments sit and fester in our souls, they will be harder to deal with later. Emotional anger not dealt with will lead to sinful bitterness. Remember, no matter our circumstances, the state of our hearts will determine the direction of our lives and our leadership. We need to guard our hearts. Julia Matter, Life-Giving Leadership

As I read these words this morning, I couldn’t help but think about the ivy growing along the side of our house. We have lived in our home for five years now, and that ivy has been the bane of my existence. From April to November, every few weeks, I have to go and spend time trying to get the ivy off the brick. It is ridiculously hard to pull it off the brick. I break my nails, get scratched, and all dirty trying to get it off. If I finally do get it off, it leaves ugly white marks on the brick. I do all this work, knowing that in just a few weeks or months, I will have to go through all that work again. I hate ivy!

I think that bitterness in my life is just like that ivy. It is so easy to not think about it or even pay attention to it. Until one day, i notice that it has almost taken over the side of our house, and I now have to go and deal with it. Bitterness is just like that. I don’t even notice I have a problem with it. Then one day, I realize it has wrapped itself around my heart, strangling my desire for God and His Word, and stealing my joy. I have to then begin the hard work of getting to the base of my bitterness and ripping it out. But in the process, it leaves scars on my heart. And it never really disappears. It lies just below the surface, ready to grow back at any time if I allow it to, and put a stranglehold on me once again. God’s Word addresses this problem:

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Hebrews 12:15

Bitterness is a root that can grow deep into the being of who I am, and it is desperately hard to get rid of. The most troubling part of this verse is that many people are defiled by it. Webster’s dictionary defines defiled as made dirty, or foul; polluted; soiled; corrupted; violated. Bitterness in my life pollutes and corrupts other people. Not good! I don’t want my husband and kids corrupted because of my bitterness. Nor do I want my extended family, friends, and ladies in my church affected by my bitterness. So what should I do?

How to Handle Bitterness

  1. Be on the lookout for bitterness. Just like my ivy, if I can catch the bitterness early, it won’t take over my heart. Every time I get hurt by someone, or criticized, it has the power to turn into bitterness in my life.
  2. Deal with the hurt and criticism to keep it from developing into full-blown bitterness. For me, this means talking to Matt about it. Hashing through it. Is there any truth in the criticism? Is the person criticizing me credible? What do I need to change?
  3. Ask the Lord for the grace to deal with the hurt. I continually bring it to the Lord in prayer until it is no longer at the forefront of my mind. I talk to the Lord about it. How that person hurt me, how they criticized me, how they don’t understand me… The great thing about talking to the Lord is that He is not going to text anyone with what I share with Him. He is not going to post it on Facebook. I don’t have to worry about someone overhearing me.
  4. Pray for the person or situation that has hurt me. In my case, usually it is people who hurt me, but sometimes it is a circumstance that is out of my control that hurts me. Either way, the hardest thing to do is to pray for the person that has hurt me. However, if I can do this, it will begin to heal my hurt heart and drive the bitterness away.
  5.   Reach out to someone who needs encouragement. If I can focus on someone else’s  problems, it helps to get the focus off of me and my hurt. When I don’t constantly dwell on my hurt, bitterness doesn’t have the power to put a stranglehold on me.

I have literally spent years of my life being controlled by bitterness, and it is not fun. Here’s the deal– I am a pastor’s wife. I am in a position of authority. I will be criticized. I will be hurt by people. It just is “gonna happen.” I can’t control that people will hurt me, but I can control how I handle it. How I choose to deal with hurt will determine the quality of my leadership.

God Always Has the Better Plan

About a year ago, we got slammed with about three months of medical bills. Our kids both had dental work done. Madison needed an extensive amount, and it cost us a pretty penny. During this time, Malachi had a few unplanned doctor’s appointments and a trip to the emergency room for what ended up being fluid in his hip-joint. Because of all this, we were barely keeping afloat. I was working really hard to save us money where I could, but we had more needs than money to cover them.

We were praying specifically for $300 dollars to be able to buy curriculum for homeschooling for the fall. A representative from the company we were going to order from was going to be in our area for two days. If you ordered from him, you could get free shipping and 25% off of your entire order. So we were really praying for $300.

We got a call from my mother-in-law. She said that a man from her church had given her a card to pass on to us. He had given money to our family in the past, so we were so excited to hear this. We decided we would drive to her house (about 45 minutes away) after nap time and pick up the card. When we got there, Matt opened the card and said, “Look!” I looked inside the card and saw a check. When I looked at it, it said three hundred dollars! My heart soared, but only for a second. When I looked at the check the second time, I realized it was addressed to our church, not to us. I pointed that out to my husband, and he just looked kinda sick. I was so discouraged! It was the exact amount we needed, and the card was written to us, but it was a gift for our church– not us. Feeling deflated, we didn’t stay long but beat a hasty retreat out of my in-law’s home. It was a quiet ride home. I was so frustrated! Why would God tease us like that?

I didn’t have the answers. I didn’t know if it was a test from God or something from Satan to discourage us. On the way home, Matt said, “God gives us just what we need for today.” I had to choose to let it go and trust God had a better plan. Was that easy? No; I asked God to help me trust Him and remember my life verse– Psalm 18:30 “As for God, his way is perfect…”  I had to trust that God had a better plan and rest in that.

A few weeks later, I got a call from a good friend of mine. She told me that she had ordered some curriculum for her daughter for school and didn’t like it and wanted to know if I wanted it. It just happened to be the same curriculum we were going to buy from the rep but didn’t have the money for. I’m so glad we just waited and trusted God! God’s plans are always so much better than my own!

The First Words That Came to Mind

A few years ago, we were sitting in line at a red light when somebody slammed into the back of our van. The other car hit us so hard that even though we were sitting still, the momentum pushed our van into the car in front of us and back again into the original car that had hit us. So by the time we stopped moving, we had been hit twice in the back of the van and once in the front. The back windshield had shattered, the van was totaled, our children were screaming; it was a mess.

Praise the Lord; everybody was fine, just shaken up. It was quite a traumatic experience for Matt and I and our two small children. Fast-forward one year later to almost the day, we were rear-ended again on the same road!! It was less than a mile from the location of the first accident. Once again, we were sitting in line at a red light talking when a cargo van slammed into us from behind. The impact pushed our van into the middle of a busy intersection. The back windshield shattered, the van was totaled, our now three children were screaming. Same exact story. I remember right after the impact, I turned quickly to check on the kids and said, “What the …?! ” I caught myself right before I put an expletive in there. I was so peeved that it had happened again!  The first thing that came to mind was not something good. I am always ashamed when I remember that story. In the heat of the moment, I got so worked up that I didn’t control what was coming out of my mouth.

Because of that story, I am always amazed and impressed with Job’s response to his trial, which far surpasses mine. I was reading in Job chapter one this morning. It is a very familiar story for most people. Job was the greatest man in the East in his day. He was incredibly wealthy, had ten children, and was very well-known. Yet in one day, he lost everything except for his wife. One by one, messengers come to tell Job of all that he had lost. As I come to the end of the chapter and feel the weight of Job’s grief and everything that he has lost, I find myself almost holding my breath. What is Job going to do? How is he going to respond? I wouldn’t be able to survive all this. What is his response?

Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

I am always stunned when I read these words, no matter how many times I have read this account. How in the world could Job respond this way? In the worst moments of his life, his automatic response is to praise God’s name. I don’t know how anybody could do this. My thought is that Job was so used to praising God for all he had and seeing everything he had as a gift from God, that when the unthinkable happened, his automatic response was to praise the Lord. It doesn’t mean he didn’t grieve. The next several chapters record his grieving and hurting process. He just made it a practice to thank God for everything He had.

I am so challenged by Job’s response. The words that rush to my lips when something bad happens are not, “blessed be the name of the Lord.”  I have had nothing in my life as traumatic as Job’s story. His story challenges me to be so used to thanking God and seeing everything in my life as God sees it. Maybe one day, my automatic response could be like Job’s.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

The Discipline Years

Matt is preaching a parenting series on Sunday mornings at our church. Yesterday’s message was about the discipline years. Here are some of the key thoughts.

5 Ways we try to correct our kids (wrongly)

  1. Embarrass or shame our kids
  2. Punish them for embarrassing us
  3. Force them into our personality
  4. Whipping boy syndrome- we take out unresolved issues in our life on our kids
  5. Break them down

What happens when we discipline that way?

  1. If we embarrass and shame them- Guilt
  2. If we punish or embarrass them- Anger
  3. If we force them into our personality- Insecurity
  4. If we take out our unresolved issues on them- Fear
  5. If we break them down- Low self-worth

The goal of discipline or correction is connection. If we correct our kids without trying to connect with them, we will only create in them feelings of isolation and rejection.

Proverbs 3:11,12 “My son despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth: even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.”

God loves us so much that He corrects us. If we love our children, we will take the time to correct them. I love the end of verse 12. God uses the picture of a father delighting in his son. That is how much God loves us and why He corrects us.

When we realize the big picture, that God loves us too much to not correct us to help us to be more like Him, it helps us to do the same with our children. Love them and correct them with the goal of connecting with them.

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Spend the Time Now; Spare the Frustration Later

I have been so frustrated with my two-year old’s behavior the last few days. It seems we are always in a cycle of good behavior and bad behavior. Everybody will be doing so well; then it all falls apart. Our little Maggie has been throwing horrible tantrums all day long every day, and it is so frustrating!

I was reading in the book of Esther this morning. There is an interesting verse that caught my attention.

Esther 2:20b …”for Esther did the commandment of Mordecai, like as when she was brought up with him.”

Esther’s parents died when she was young, and she was taken in by her Uncle Mordecai. Esther learned to obey when she was young, so she was ready to listen and follow Mordecai’s instructions when the stakes were much higher. This verse challenged me. I need to train my children now, so that I can speak into their lives and they will listen when they are older and the stakes are much greater. When they start dating, when they are introduced to drugs and alcohol for the first time, etc.

I also read Proverbs 29 today. This chapter contains one of my favorite parenting verses.

Proverbs 29:17 “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.”

If I spend the time and energy now to correct my children (in this case- Maggie), she will give me rest. I will be able to get past these years of discipline and not have to correct her all the time. However, if I don’t put in the time now, I will still be just as frustrated and correcting constantly down the road. We have seen this firsthand with our six-year-old Malachi. We spent a lot of time correcting him in his early years; now we don’t have to as much. Now, he is by no means perfect, and he still gets into trouble; but the times that we have to correct him are a lot fewer now.

I am encouraged to spend the time now correcting my young children, and spare the frustration later on.long-2

Being Glad is a Choice, Not a Feeling

Being glad is a choice, not a feeling. It is so hard for me to remember this concept. So often I let my feelings dictate my attitude.  When I have a bad day and things are not going my way, I feel I have earned the right to have a bad attitude. When I have been up all night with a sick child, when somebody has hurt me, when my day doesn’t go as I planned… I need to choose to be glad.

Psalm 104:33,34 “I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the Lord.”

When I am having a bad day and a bad attitude, there are a few things I do to try to bring my attitude back around.

  1. Stop and ask God to help me change my bad attitude.
  2. Think of 3 things that I am thankful for and thank God for them.
  3. Listen to good music. Music that is spiritual or uplifting can quickly change my mood around.
  4. If I’m tired, take a nap.
  5. If I’m hungry, eat a good snack or a meal.

Sometimes just some simple tweaking can change a bad day into a good day. If none of these work and I really am having a horrible day that can’t be changed, I try to go to bed early and wake up the next morning with a new day before me to start over. Start that day with a good cup of coffee and time in God’s Word, and it will be a pretty good day. Ultimately, having a good attitude is a choice that I have to choose to make. img_2515

Dreaming Big Dreams

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

There is a dreamer inside every one of us; that is because we are created in the image of our Creator. He is a Creator, and each of us have that in our DNA– the desire to create, design. I have heard it said that we never more like God, our Creator than when we are creating something. God gives each of us the ability to dream big dreams of what He could accomplish in and through us.

For me, I have dreamed of having a lasting impact on Christian women. I dreamed of this blog for several years before I actually launched it. I also dream of writing Bible studies, creating beautiful journals and much more to help women on their journey of faith.

So what about you? What is your hidden dream? Has God placed something on your heart? Something so hidden that you have never acted on it or even told anyone about it. God has something for every one of His children to do. How do I know this? Because you are still here; I am still here. If God didn’t have a plan for us, something He more He wants us to accomplish, we would be in Heaven with Him. So because we are still here, we can understand that God has something He wants each of us to do.

When was the last time you dreamed? As a little girl? Has life gone far different from those dreams? Have you given up on those dreams? It is never too late to dream, to accomplish something great for God. It just starts with dreaming and asking God what He would have you to do, then stepping out in faith and doing it. Is it a book that you have always wanted to write? Did God put the burden in your heart and the knowledge and experience to back it up; yet you’ve never acted on it? Has He wanted you start a blog to encourage single moms, moms of special needs children, ministry wives, single women, those struggling with addictions, military wives? Has He wanted you to start a ladies’ Bible study with some of the women in your neighborhood or women from your church? Has He put it in your heart to start a business, a new career, a non-profit organization? Has He gifted you with the ability to create a new product to help others, a new treatment, technique?

Getting Started

If He has put a burden and desire in your heart to do something, here are a few simple steps to get started.

  1. Pray specifically about your dream.
  2. Tell someone about it.
  3. Write down all the steps that it would take to accomplish your dream.
  4. Do step one and keep going until that dream is a reality.

You may say, I want to do something great, but I have no idea what. Here are a few steps to get you pointed in the right direction.

  1. Pray for God to give you a dream bigger than yourself.
  2. Write down all the ways that God has naturally gifted you with talents and abilities or the abilities you have honed over the years.
  3. Write down the things that you get passionate about– the things you could talk about for hours and not get tired of.
  4. Write down what you love to do with your free time.
  5. Read The Fringe Hours by Jessica Turner. This is a great book to work through that will help you discover your passions and dreams.
  6. Ask those who are closes to you what your gifts and abilities are.

Start dreaming big. What could God do through you? I promise you, He has something amazing for you. Find it and own it!

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Stop Praying and Take a Step of Faith

Stuck in Life

There are two things that Matt and I counsel most often- broken marriages and people who are stuck in life. Today I want to talk about the second one. There has been a shift in the last twenty years or so that I have seen and felt myself. It is this idea that if I don’t step carefully, I might step out of God’s will and ruin the rest of my life. There is this idea that if God wants me to do something, He will show me. He will drop it into my life. People say, “I have faith. I know God can do that for me. If I sit around and wait and pray, God will drop this in my lap.” Now don’t get me wrong. I am a huge advocate of praying and asking God for wisdom, but there comes a time when I believe you have to take a step out in faith and do something.

How God Works

I believe God can heal cancer, but how does He usually do it? Through doctors and modern medicine. I believe God wants everybody to be saved, but how does He do that? He uses Christians, pastors, missionaries, friends and family sharing their faith. I think it takes more faith to get up and go do something than it does to sit at home and “pray about it.”I believe Satan has so many people doing nothing for God because they are waiting for something to come to them.

In my early years of listening to God, I relied heavily on my authority- my parents, pastor, and teachers. I am a huge advocate of getting advice and following the spiritual leaders God has put into your life. Yet as I have grown in my relationship and closeness to the Lord, I believe He speaks more to Matt and I personally first and then confirms it through our leadership. For example, in my freshman year of college, the college I was attending started making some doctrinal changes. I went home at Christmas and talked to my parents and pastor about it. They both decided it was time to leave there and go to another college. I did not really want to, but I followed their leadership. I obeyed and I ended up meeting Matt at the new college. I am so glad I listened! As Matt and I have grown and matured, God leads now in our hearts first. Now He leads Matt and I; then He confirms it through our leadership.

How We Stepped Out in Faith

When Matt and I left an incredible church staff to start our own church, Greater Philly Church, there were so many people that could not understand why we were doing it. We had two different pastors tell us we shouldn’t, but there were other pastors that were affirming our decision. I think even our parents were unsure. Yet God was placing a burning desire in our hearts, and we were so sure of His calling and timing that we could do nothing except answer that call, pack up our belongings, move, and start our church. Now everybody can see it, but that wasn’t the case in the beginning. Even at various times through the first few years when it was rocky, we had people try to convince us to combine with another church, resign and take another church, and other crazy things. We knew, however, that we were where God wanted us.

Praying Specifically

So often I talk to people and hear their story. I can see so clearly, even as an outsider looking in, that God is obviously working and moving this person. Yet when I tell them that I think God is trying to move them on, they say… I’m praying and waiting on God.” I always ask, “Waiting for what in particular?” Most people can not answer.  That is because they are not praying specifically, so they don’t know if God is answering or not. They are waiting for a modern-day miracle. They are waiting for something to fall into their lap. It may a person who is miserable in their job, a girl who is unhappy in a dating relationship, a couple who is not fulfilled in their church, a man who believes God has something greater for him than punching the clock. So often this person has only prayed, but done nothing. They haven’t put out their resume, they haven’t written down on paper what they believe God has for them, they haven’t talked to anybody about it. I believe it is their lack of faith that is keeping them from moving forward. Matt always says, “It’s easier to move a moving car than a parked one.” Take a step of faith. Start the process and see if God does not begin to open the doors and show you what He has for you.

Stepping Out

We have dear friends that believed God was working and wanting them to move out of the ministry they were serving part-time in and come help us with our church plant. They met with us and asked us to pray. They said, “We don’t know what God is doing, but we believe He wants us to resign from this ministry and come serve at Greater Philly Church.” They went on to say that the husband had been up for so many promotions at his full-time secular job over the past year. Every time, he was supposed to be a shoe-in for the promotion; yet every time, someone with less experience and credentials would get the position. In fact, they said it had become a joke in their family and in the office where he worked. After a few weeks, they told us that God had confirmed the decision and they had chosen to leave the part-time ministry position. Three days later, the husband received a promotion! I dare say they stepped out in faith and God applauded their step of faith.

I don’t know what God is burdening your heart to do. Maybe it’s a new job, a new endeavor, ending a relationship, a move, … whatever it is. Could it be that God is waiting for you to take the first step? He is ready to move that mountain and give you your miracle, but He is waiting to see if you have enough faith to take the first step. My encouragement to you is to take a step of faith. Start the process and see if God does not begin to open the doors and show you what He has in store for you.