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Staying Resilient in the Midst of Life’s Hard

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Resilient Trees

Trees are resiliant; that’s for sure. A few months ago, we had to have a tree company take down one of the trees in our backyard. When the guy came out to give us a quote, he told us that the tree at some point tried to uproot itself. The entire thing twisted but managed to stay rooted. Now, we’re talking about an eighty-foot plus tree here. The thing was massive. Somehow, it managed to stay upright, even though most of its roots were above ground and the entire thing had twisted.

Verses about Trees

Trees have the ability to stand strong during the worst of storms. I read some verses in Jeremiah this week during my morning time routine that reminded me of the tree we had taken down.

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
    and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
 They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
    with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
    or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
    and they never stop producing fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Staying Resilient, No Matter the Circumstances

Trees that are healthy can weather the storm and can grow no matter the circumstances. God says that when we trust him and make him our hope and confidence instead of ourselves, that we are like a tree. Not just any tree—a tree that has deep roots, is settled next to water, and stays strong no matter what.

When we trust God no matter what, we become like one of those strong trees. We are able to weather the storms. No matter what circumstances come our way, we are able to stand strong and still produce fruit. What does it mean to still produce fruit? It means we still love others in the midst of our storm, continue to grow in our faith, and choose joy.

Poem about Resilience

I love this poem about resilience by Douglas Malloch.

Good Timber

The tree that never had to fight
     For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
     And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
     But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
     To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
     Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
     But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease,
     The stronger wind, the stronger trees,
The further sky, the greater length,
     The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
     In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth
     We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
     Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
     This is the common law of life.

Choosing to Be Resilient

We don’t become who God wants us to be by skating through life without any problems. No, we become strong, faith-filled women by enduring trials and still choosing to be joyful, to love God, and to love others.

If we fail to learn to be resilient, we aren’t going to be able to accomplish what God wants us to. In turn, we will miss the blessings God had for us. If we give up now, the only sure thing is that we will have missed out on what God had in store.

So choose to be resilient. Choose to stand strong in your faith, no matter the circumstances. Keep loving, serving, and choosing joy even when you don’t “feel” like it. Then watch as God grows your faith and makes you like one of those tall trees—able to withstand the storms and always bearing fruit, no matter the circumstances.

For More Encouragement

For more encouragement, check out my post, Developing a Faith that’s Strong Enough to Stand On. Or check out Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis Majors. Katie’s life is a perfect example of being resilient and continuing to love people, even when life is hard.

A Disastrous Date and My God Problem

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our disastrous date at chick fil a

Our Disastrous Date

Last week, Matt and I went to Chick-fil-A for our weekly breakfast date. I was really tired, and that’s not a great setup for a good date. Nevertheless, I pushed myself to get ready and get out the door, convinced I could make this work.

Well, you can probably see the handwriting on the wall. It didn’t go well. We started talking, and I started sharing. No matter what Matt said, no matter how he tried to encourage me, I was just not having it. Finally, he got frustrated because I obviously didn’t want to be pulled out of the dark hole I was in.

By the time our date finished, we hadn’t really solved anything; and both of us were discouraged and frustrated. The drive home was silent. When we got almost home, Matt pulled over. We both knew if we pulled up in front of the house, the kids would come running out. That would ruin any chance we had of trying to make things right. We talked for a few more minutes. Both of us apologized, and I told him I was really tired. I shouldn’t have even brought up some of the things I said because I wasn’t in a frame of mind for dealing with it.

My Meltdown

We came home after that. A few minutes later, I was swamped with school questions, fighting kids, and a messy house. I went upstairs to the bathroom to have a few minutes of peace, if I was lucky. (Moms, you know what I mean!)

I sat down on the toilet with the lid down and looked out the window, utterly dejected. After a few minutes, I prayed and told God how tired and frustrated I was and how I had made such a mess of things on our date. Sitting quietly for a moment, I waited; and God brought this thought to mind.

“Do you feel better? You shared your frustrations, fear, worry, and anger with Matt. Do you feel better for it?” I answered the rhetorical question. No. Ironically, I had done the exact same thing a few weeks ago. I hadn’t felt any better after that date either. So why did I do it again? Then this thought hit me. There are certain fears, worries, cares, concerns that you can only take to God. Once that thought hit me, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It suddenly seemed so clear. I was trying to get Matt to meet this deep inner need that he was never going to be able to meet.

My Struggle was with God

See the struggle I was having was with God. I was frustrated with God not coming through on things I thought he should. My faith was fragile that day. I was hurt and felt unloved by God. All of those things I was feeling should have been directed to and dealt with by God. Instead, I took them to my husband, expecting him to be able to do something about it.

God reminded me in the few silent minutes I carved out in the bathroom that there are certain needs I have that only God can fill. That emptiness, loneliness, hurt, and pain is a God-sized hole in our heart that only he can fill.

I’m not going to be a sadist and say that you need to go at it alone, that only God can meet your needs, and you don’t need other people. That’s absolutely not true, and God has really showed me over the last few years how incredibly much I need people in my life. But there are times, I believe, that only God can meet us in that dark place that we’re in. And if we try to tell other people about it or bring them into the darkness with us, it only makes things worse.

Finding God in the Darkness

So, if you find yourself in the boat I was in, if you feel like your heart is cracking. You’re struggling with your faith, hurt, and fears. You’ve tried to talk to other people, but no matter what they say, you can’t be encouraged, it may be that you have a God problem that only God can fix.

So stop getting frustrated with people who can’t fix you. Look up and talk to the only one who can really meet you in this dark place. Let him be the one to hear your burdens, fears, worries, and concerns. Remember I Peter 5: 7, one of my favorite verses.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

I Peter 5:7

If we can begin to understand this concept of taking our deepest fears and concerns to God instead of other people, we will find he is there for us. He’s been waiting all along to carry those burdens for us; he was just waiting for us to release them to him.

More Encouragement

For more encouragement along these lines, check out my post, Finding the Tenacity to Wrestle with God. A good book recommendation is Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. I read it a few years ago and need to read it again. It’s a really good book.

Finding the Tenacity to Wrestle with God

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My Six-Year-Old’s Tenacity

My six-year-old, Maggie, has the tenacity of a bull. She gets something in her mind and goes after it with a singular focus that’s enough to weaken even the strongest adult. She’s worn me down more times than I can count, and I consider myself a fairly strong person. More than once, she’s gotten me to give in on something I really wasn’t planning to, much to my regret.

Consequently, my kids have realized her strength over the years, and more than once have sent her to be the negotiator to Matt and me when they want something.

two girls pulling a rope
Maggie’s the one on the right.

The Tenacity of the Blind Men

I was reading in the book of Matthew this week in my morning time. I read a familiar story that made me think of my Maggie. It’s the story of two blind men who ask Jesus to heal them.

As Jesus was passing through an area, two blind men cry out to him. The crowd that is following Jesus looks at them with disdain and tries to quiet them. That wasn’t enough to stop these men. I wonder if they made a pact together ahead of time.

“Listen, when Jesus passes here, we’re going to get one shot at this. We have to get Jesus’ attention, no matter what it takes. It’s going to take both of us. We can’t give up, no matter what happens.”

When Jesus passes by, both men begin to call out, trying to get Jesus’ attention. The crowd tries to hush them, but that just makes them call out even louder. By this point, they are being obnoxious, causing a scene. But do they care? Nope. They cry out louder, “Master, have mercy on us.”

Jesus Hears Them

When Jesus stops and turns in their direction, I can picture the crowd pausing, holding its breath, waiting to see what is going to happen. The crowd parts and Jesus comes to stand before the two men.

Can you imagine what the two men are feeling now? They probably looked at each other in shock, like, “It really worked. He stopped.”

Jesus’ Response to Them

Jesus asks them, “What do you want from me?”

The two men don’t hesitate; they don’t think twice. They answer quickly and confidently. “We want to see.” These men knew what they wanted and went after it.

Don’t miss Jesus’ response to their request.

Deeply moved, Jesus touched their eyes. They had their sight back that very instant, and they joined the procession. Matthew 20:34 MSG

Jesus was moved by their faith and their boldness so much that He stopped what He was doing to respond to them. Clearly, their tenacity worked.

Jesus’ Humanity

Sometimes when we read the Bible, we miss the humanity of Jesus. Though He was fully God, He was also fully human. He understood feelings and emotions, and He was affected by them. It’s hard to balance Jesus’ sovereignty and deity with His humanity.

I wonder… would Jesus have stopped to heal them if they hadn’t called out? Would He have kept walking even after He heard them call out if they hadn’t increased their volume? I’m not sure. All I know is that two men believed Jesus could work on their behalf and they weren’t going to stop until He did.

How often do we approach Jesus this way? I wonder how many of our prayers don’t get answered because we don’t call out with absolute faith and tenacity, holding on to Jesus until we get an answer. This is what I call wrestling with God.

Wrestling with God

What does it mean to wrestle with God? Here is an excerpt from my book, The Hidden Pain:

What does it mean to wrestle with God? What does it feel like? It’s hard to describe. The only way to describe it is that I have spent many hours on my knees begging God for His blessing. I’ve cried many, many tears asking God why He won’t help things to work out in my life. I’ve questioned His goodness. I’ve wrestled with trusting Him. I have written countless prayers and cries to God in my journal. I have asked, pleaded, argued, and questioned God so often. I feel that after several years of begging God and pleading with Him for His blessing and not feeling like I have gained it, I just want to wrestle with Him more. I feel like I can begin to understand why Jacob wrestled with the angel all night long and wouldn’t let him go until the angel blessed him…

Are you in the same place? Can we encourage each other to hold on and keep wrestling? Jacob wrestled during the night until the morning light finally broke through. My morning hasn’t broken through yet. It’s still dark. I can’t see, but I can feel Jesus’ arms around me, and I am grabbing on to those arms and not letting go until He blesses me.

The Hidden Pain: When You Fear God Is No Longer Blessing Your Life

I think that wrestling with God is equivalent to what the two blind men did. They wouldn’t let Jesus pass until He heard them and answered them. After that, it was just a matter of telling Jesus what they wanted.

Wrestling with God in Your Own Life

What do you need to wrestle with God for in your life right now? What burden are you carrying that you are begging for an answer to? Maybe it’s a financial burden, a health concern, a difficult child, the loss of a friendship, a deep hurt… I don’t know what it is, but I know Someone who does.

Maybe it’s time for us to drop to our knees and call out to God. Maybe it’s time to reach out and get a hold of God and not let go until He answers. We need to develop the kind of tenacity these blind men had. We have to decide that it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. It doesn’t matter how anybody else responds to us. All that matters is getting Jesus’ attention.

That’s the kind of faith that moves Jesus. Jesus put it this way.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: Matthew 7:7 KJV

Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. Matthew 7:7 MSG

When we want God to work more than we care about how we look or sound to others, that’s when we will know we are developing the tenacity to wrestle with God.

waves crashing

Getting Through What You’re Going Through + Free Download

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Everybody Is Going Through Something

With all that’s going on around us, I think it’s pretty safe to say that everybody is dealing with something right now. Pretty much all of us need help with getting through what we’re going through. Where do we find the help we need? How do we find the strength to get through?

What is it that gets us through difficult times? It’s our faith.

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. I John 5:4 KJV

Faith is the Answer

Our faith is what gets us through difficult times. The writer of Hebrews tells us that our faith (our trust in God) is the very foundation for what makes our lives worth living. Without faith, there is no hope in this life.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. Hebrews 11:1 MSG

How Do We Grow Our Faith?

Faith is simply our trust in God and how we handle what we can’t see. Our faith is what gets us through; but if our faith is weak, we are weak. So how do we strengthen our faith?

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17 KJV

If we want to increase our faith, we have to get more of God’s Word into our lives. We can do that in three simple ways.

1. Develop a Consistent Morning Time Routine.

Spend time with God each and every morning in prayer, Bible reading, and journaling. I do this each morning as a part of my morning time routine. Our morning sets the tone for our entire day.

2. Fill Your Mind With Good and God.

One of the best ways to develop our faith is by reading good books and listening to podcasts. You can find a list of books I recommend and podcasts that I listen to by clicking here.

3. Study Scripture.

A great way to get our focus off of the problems around us is to focus on God’s Word. The resource below is a great place to start. There are 60 verses for 13 topics such as forgiveness, worry, anger, waiting, and more. You can download a free copy by simply clicking the link below.

These steps may be simple, but we can spend a lifetime doing them. When we develop a daily morning time with God, fill our minds with good books and podcasts, and focus on thinking more on God’s Word, we will begin to grow our faith. That’s how we will be able to get through what we are going through.

Stop Praying and Take a Step of Faith

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Stuck in Life

There are two things that Matt and I counsel most often- broken marriages and people who are stuck in life. Today I want to talk about the second one. There has been a shift in the last twenty years or so that I have seen and felt myself. It is this idea that if I don’t step carefully, I might step out of God’s will and ruin the rest of my life. There is this idea that if God wants me to do something, He will show me. He will drop it into my life. People say, “I have faith. I know God can do that for me. If I sit around and wait and pray, God will drop this in my lap.” Now don’t get me wrong. I am a huge advocate of praying and asking God for wisdom, but there comes a time when I believe you have to take a step out in faith and do something.

How God Works

I believe God can heal cancer, but how does He usually do it? Through doctors and modern medicine. I believe God wants everybody to be saved, but how does He do that? He uses Christians, pastors, missionaries, friends and family sharing their faith. I think it takes more faith to get up and go do something than it does to sit at home and “pray about it.”I believe Satan has so many people doing nothing for God because they are waiting for something to come to them.

In my early years of listening to God, I relied heavily on my authority- my parents, pastor, and teachers. I am a huge advocate of getting advice and following the spiritual leaders God has put into your life. Yet as I have grown in my relationship and closeness to the Lord, I believe He speaks more to Matt and I personally first and then confirms it through our leadership. For example, in my freshman year of college, the college I was attending started making some doctrinal changes. I went home at Christmas and talked to my parents and pastor about it. They both decided it was time to leave there and go to another college. I did not really want to, but I followed their leadership. I obeyed and I ended up meeting Matt at the new college. I am so glad I listened! As Matt and I have grown and matured, God leads now in our hearts first. Now He leads Matt and I; then He confirms it through our leadership.

How We Stepped Out in Faith

When Matt and I left an incredible church staff to start our own church, Greater Philly Church, there were so many people that could not understand why we were doing it. We had two different pastors tell us we shouldn’t, but there were other pastors that were affirming our decision. I think even our parents were unsure. Yet God was placing a burning desire in our hearts, and we were so sure of His calling and timing that we could do nothing except answer that call, pack up our belongings, move, and start our church. Now everybody can see it, but that wasn’t the case in the beginning. Even at various times through the first few years when it was rocky, we had people try to convince us to combine with another church, resign and take another church, and other crazy things. We knew, however, that we were where God wanted us.

Praying Specifically

So often I talk to people and hear their story. I can see so clearly, even as an outsider looking in, that God is obviously working and moving this person. Yet when I tell them that I think God is trying to move them on, they say… I’m praying and waiting on God.” I always ask, “Waiting for what in particular?” Most people can not answer.  That is because they are not praying specifically, so they don’t know if God is answering or not. They are waiting for a modern-day miracle. They are waiting for something to fall into their lap. It may a person who is miserable in their job, a girl who is unhappy in a dating relationship, a couple who is not fulfilled in their church, a man who believes God has something greater for him than punching the clock. So often this person has only prayed, but done nothing. They haven’t put out their resume, they haven’t written down on paper what they believe God has for them, they haven’t talked to anybody about it. I believe it is their lack of faith that is keeping them from moving forward. Matt always says, “It’s easier to move a moving car than a parked one.” Take a step of faith. Start the process and see if God does not begin to open the doors and show you what He has for you.

Stepping Out

We have dear friends that believed God was working and wanting them to move out of the ministry they were serving part-time in and come help us with our church plant. They met with us and asked us to pray. They said, “We don’t know what God is doing, but we believe He wants us to resign from this ministry and come serve at Greater Philly Church.” They went on to say that the husband had been up for so many promotions at his full-time secular job over the past year. Every time, he was supposed to be a shoe-in for the promotion; yet every time, someone with less experience and credentials would get the position. In fact, they said it had become a joke in their family and in the office where he worked. After a few weeks, they told us that God had confirmed the decision and they had chosen to leave the part-time ministry position. Three days later, the husband received a promotion! I dare say they stepped out in faith and God applauded their step of faith.

I don’t know what God is burdening your heart to do. Maybe it’s a new job, a new endeavor, ending a relationship, a move, … whatever it is. Could it be that God is waiting for you to take the first step? He is ready to move that mountain and give you your miracle, but He is waiting to see if you have enough faith to take the first step. My encouragement to you is to take a step of faith. Start the process and see if God does not begin to open the doors and show you what He has in store for you.