Monthly Archives: May 2021

5 Ways to Connect Regularly with Your Husband

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Sunrise at the Beach

Last week, we were at the beach for a week with my husband’s family. My husband, Matt and I decided to get up early each morning and walk to the beach, so we could watch the sunrise. It was amazing!

Matt and I will celebrated fifteen years of marriage this year. Do you know how many years it’s taken for both of us to get up early to go watch the sunrise at the beach? 14 years. This is the first year we’ve done it.

For many years, exhaustion kept us from getting much sleep as we had little ones. Other years, he got up early on a morning I didn’t or I did when he didn’t. This year we both were on the same page and went every morning together. After that, we would jump in the van and drive twenty minutes to the nearest Starbucks to get coffee. It was like a mini date every morning. It was amazing, but once again I repeat… it’s taken us fourteen years.

The Process of Time

When Matt and I first got married, I hated being a newly wed. I wanted to just jump ahead to being married several years. Similarly, I wanted to skip the newly wed fights and trying to figure each other out.

What I didn’t understand as a new wife was that there was nothing I could do to rush through the process of growing our relationship. Some things come with only with time, and a good marriage is one of them.

We can only get out of our relationships what we put into them. Am I saying that Matt and I have a perfect marriage? Nope. Far from it. Do we fight? Yes. Do we get angry and frustrated with each other? Yes. Have we said things we regret? All the time. Although we fight, we continue to choose to ask for forgiveness and choose to love the other person regardless.

We don’t get it all right, but we have figured out five ways to connect with each other on a regular basis.

5 Ways to Connect Regularly with Your Husband

1. Schedule a regular date night. We are blessed to live near family that can watch our kids, so we can have a date night each week. We go on a date every Thursday with very few exceptions.

2. Figure out a time to spend together every single day. We spend our mornings together. Matt and I get up early every morning and do our morning time routine at the table together. We enjoy the time together before the kids get up.

3. Spend time talking to your husband. It sounds so simple, but don’t underestimate the power of this. One of the common characteristics of couples we counsel who are on the verge of divorce is that they don’t talk with their spouse; they don’t connect with them on a regular basis.

4. Choose to forgive again and again. I am ashamed to say that it took me several years of being married before I would ever be the first one to say “I’m sorry.” There is incredible power behind the words, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” So many marriages could be saved if we could just learn to humble ourselves and say those words.

5. Lastly, figure out a time to connect physically. We schedule a weekly time to be physically intimate. We’ve told other couples this in counseling, and people are always are shocked when we say this. It sounds so unromantic. But the fact of the matter is, most couples struggles with their sex life. We learned early on that the best way to be consistent was to schedule it in.

Start Connecting This Week

These are just a few ideas to get you started connecting with your spouse. It’s an area we can all grow in. Choose one or two ways to try this next week and see if it doesn’t make a difference in your relationship.

More Encouragement

For more on this topic, check out Pillowfights: Handling Marital Conflict, a book Matt and I wrote or iMarriage—a DVD series by Andy Stanley about staying in love. Or check out my post, All the Ways My Husband Has Hurt Me.

Find Freedom From the Burdens Weighing You Down

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What Burdens are You Carrying?

Do you have burdens that you’re carrying right now? Is there something that you really need an answer from God for? The best thing we can do is to take those concerns and worries to God, instead of trying to shoulder them ourselves. Paul tells us this in the book of Philippians.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.

Philippians 4:6a MSG

Releasing Those Burdens

Instead of worrying, we need to talk to God and tell him about those worries. Tell him all of our concerns. Too often, we carry around the weight of the burdens we carry, burdens God never intended us to carry.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

I Peter 5:7

Turning Those Burdens into Prayers

It sounds good, but how do you do that? How do you stop worrying or stressing about those pressures or burdens that are so heavy on your heart? Paul gives us the answer in the second half of the verse.

Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.

Philippians 4:6b

We take those burdens and turn them into prayers. Maybe you need to take out a journal and write down your burdens. Write out a long prayer to God, telling him everything you feel. Write down every emotion you’re feeling and the pain and pressures you’re experiencing.

Finding God’s Peace

What happens after that? Paul tells us in the next verse in Philippians.

 Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Philippians 4:7 MSG

Can you feel that peace, even just in reading those verses? It’s a call to releasing those heavy burdens you’ve been carrying. It’s a realization that you don’t have to shoulder them alone anymore.

I don’t know about you, but I needed to hear these verses today. I have been carrying around some heavy burdens and have felt so overwhelmed by the weight of them. When I read those verses during my morning time routine, I stopped right then and prayed. After I told him all my concerns and worries and relinquished my hold on those burdens, I felt his peace.

Does that mean that my prayers were immediately answered? No. The burdens are still there, but I no longer have to shoulder them on my own.

What burdens, worries, frustrations, fears, and concerns are you carrying today that you need to relinquish your hold on? What would happen if you could let go of them and leave them with Jesus?

He’s waiting for you to do just that today. You were never meant to carry your own burdens. Give them to Jesus today. Let him do the heavy lifting; then feel God’s sense of wholeness wrapping around you—that feeling of everything coming together for good.

For More Encouragement

I just heard Great You Are by Jordan Smith for the first time the other day and absolutely loved it. It was such an encouragement to my heart and is one of my new favorites.

Keep Going Mama!

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keep going mama written on chalkboard

Mother’s Day

With Mother’s Day on Sunday, I just wanted to take a moment to encourage my fellow mamas. Being a mama is tough! Nobody tells you how hard it’s going to be before you start. Somewhere in the midst of the endless loads of laundry, dirty dishes, potty-training, fighting, and chaos, we lose sight of what really matters. Sometimes, we just need somebody to come alongside and say, “Don’t give up, Mama. You’re doing a great job!” That’s what this post is for.

Happy Kids Towell

I saw this hand towel in a store the other day and had to snap a picture.

I love this quote so much because it’s so true! We think that we’re a good mama based on how well our children behave when we’re in public, how clean our home is, how polite our child is, and a myriad of other things. When in reality, we should really base it on whether or not our kids are happy.

We strive so hard to do everything that makes us a “good mama;” but in the end, our kids don’t really need all that. They are happy when we simply choose to just spend time with them and love them. Below is an excerpt from my book Finding Free: 5 Simple Steps to a More Peaceful, Content, and Happy You that releases in a few weeks.

Dear Young Mama 

As a young mom. I was so frustrated and weary all the time. I wanted my house to look like the other homes I saw. The problem was, those homes didn’t have four little children living there creating havoc every single day. 

If I could give advice to the younger version of me, I would tell her to relax. The time is coming when I will have a perfect house. The furniture won’t have stains on it, the mirror won’t have handprints on it, there won’t be spilled juice on the floor making it sticky, there won’t be toys everywhere. There’s coming a time when I won’t have to pick up my house twenty-four seven. In the blink of an eye, I know this time will have passed.  

Our oldest is already pushing eleven years old. We have seven more years with him. After that, I don’t know what God has for him. Too soon, our home will be empty. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that I will wish for toys on the floor and fingerprints on the mirror.  

Looking Back

I will look back at the craziness and the chaos and miss it and wish that our house was loud and messy once more. Even now, I miss the baby stage. I love the stage of life that each of my kids are at, but I do miss having a baby in the house.  

I don’t miss late-night nursing sessions, carrying a heavy diaper bag everywhere I go, and cleaning up diaper explosions. But I miss the snuggles of a baby. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would choose to spend less time trying endlessly to get the house clean. I would choose more time rocking my baby, snuggling with my toddlers, and playing hide and seek with my preschoolers.  

The thing is, that exhaustion that plagues you every moment of the day with littles will pass. You will get past this stage. Life will get easier. Those babies will grow up. They will be able to help as they get older.  

For now, soak in those baby cuddles. Embrace the time with your littles. Spend time doing the things you can do now that you can’t do once they go to school. You have five years with your first child before they go to school. Once they go to school, things really change. It’s really hard to let them go. That’s one of the reasons we love homeschooling so much. We don’t have to let them go. I get to take an active role in their education. I don’t have to send them away every day, and I love that. 

The Days are Long, but the Years are Short

The best phrase I have heard when dealing with littles is this: “The days are long, but the years are short.” It’s so true. The days were and still are at times so very long. Yet in the blink of an eye, the years have passed. I can’t believe our oldest is almost a teenager. It seems like just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital. The years have just flown by.

All too soon, he is going to be leaving us. God has great things in store for each of our kids, and I am excited to see what they are. But I know it’s going to be so hard to let them go. So, I am going to spend the time now, while they are still in my care enjoying every minute of it. I’m saying this as a reminder and challenge as much to myself as I am saying it to you. 

Don’t give up, Mama. Though the days are long, keep at it. Keep loving your kids, keep training them, keep forgiving them and teaching them how to love Jesus and the people around them. We only have this short amount of time with them; make it count! 

My kiddos

For More Encouragement

For more encouragement on this topic, check out one of my favorite mom books—The SuperMom Myth: Conquering the Dirty Villains of Motherhood by Becky Kopitzke and my post, Guaranteed Success for Moms.