Monthly Archives: August 2022

Advice, Wisdom, and Avoiding Heartbreak

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Asking for Advice

Have you ever had somebody ask your advice on something, and you readily give it only to find out later that they already had their mind set on what they wanted to do? How did it make you feel? Frustrated, right?

We had this happen recently. Somebody asked Matt and I how we felt about a decision they were going to make. Matt and I both agreed it wasn’t a wise decision. We talked to this person for at least an hour or so and felt confident in the fact they had heard and would heed our advice.

Rejecting that Advice

However, a few weeks later, that same person came to us and told us they had done exactly what we advised them not to do. We both just sat there for a moment, stunned. What do you say? We didn’t agree with the decision, but they already knew that. Yet, they ignored our advice and went ahead with their decision anyway.

Situations like these are so disheartening. We can foresee a decision someone is about to make and the heartbreak it’s going to cause. Yet, we are helpless to do anything to change it.

There’s a story in the book of Jeremiah about a group of people that had a plan in mind; all they needed was for the prophet to give his blessing on their plan. Reading the story and knowing all the details now, I wonder why they even bothered asking the prophet for his advice anyway. They were going to do what they were going to do whether he told them they should or not.

The People’s Request

We pick up the story in Jeremiah 42. Judah has been seized by Babylon. Most of the people were taken into captivity, and the city has been burned and destroyed. There was, however, a small remnant of people left in the city. Jeremiah, the prophet, is part of that remnant still in Judah.

The few people that are left come to Jeremiah and ask him to pray to his God to show them what they should do next.

They said, “Please pray to the Lord your God for us. As you can see, we are only a tiny remnant compared to what we were before. Pray that the Lord your God will show us what to do and where to go.”

Jeremiah 42:2,3 NLT

Jeremiah’s Response

Jeremiah agrees and tells them that he will tell them everything God says. Ten days later, God gives Jeremiah the answer. God tells them that they need to stay in the land, even though they feel like they’d be safer going to Egypt. Furthermore, if they do move to Egypt, they won’t survive.

Yet before the words are even out of Jeremiah’s mouth, they argue with him.

When Jeremiah had finished giving this message from the Lordtheir God to all the people,  Azariah son of Hoshaiah and Johanan son of Kareah and all the other proud men said to Jeremiah, “You lie! The Lord our God hasn’t forbidden us to go to Egypt! Baruch son of Neriah has convinced you to say this, because he wants us to stay here and be killed by the Babylonians or be carried off into exile.So Johanan and the other military leaders and all the people refused to obey the Lord’s command to stay in Judah.”

Jeremiah 43:1-3

Their Rejection

The word from God conflicts with what they want to do. They were hoping that Jeremiah would tell them that God said to go to Egypt. Instead, God tells them that if they go to Egypt, it will be to their demise and utter destruction.

Even though the people asked Jeremiah for God’s answer, they didn’t really want it. They basically wanted God’s approval on the plans they had already made. As you can probably guess, the people don’t listen to God’s words. They decide to go ahead with their own plan.

Forging Ahead without Asking God

We sit back and criticize these people, yet how many times have we done the same thing. We get into our mind what we want to do, and we pray and hope that God will bless those plans. We forge ahead with our own plan and hope it all works out.

But Solomon reminds us that our plans won’t prosper without God.

You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

Proverbs 19:21

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Proverbs 16:9 NLT

Our Response

We have to be careful that we don’t make our plans and just hope that God blesses what we are doing. Too often, we jump into something without asking God if it’s something we should pursue or not. Then we get frustrated with God when it doesn’t work out. In reality, it’s not God’s fault. We never stopped to check with him.

People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.

Proverbs 19: 3 NLT

The best way to stop making foolish mistakes is to ask God first before we jump into something. Spend the time now asking God what direction we should go before we make a mess of things. Ask God for wisdom first; follow that up with asking advice from a few wise counselors. If we do, we can spare ourselves a lot of heartbreak.

For More Encouragement

For more encouragement, check out my post You Can Avoid Making Foolish Decisions. A great book to read is The Best Yes by Lisa TerKeurst. The paperback is currently on sale on Amazon for $8.72.

Peach Picking and Sticking with It

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Peach Picking in Lancaster

two girls with peaches
Maggie and Macey on the wagon with our peaches

We had an amazing day yesterday. We got to go peach picking at a farm in Lancaster yesterday. Well, first we had to play on the giant hay bales; then we went peach picking.

Macey, Malachi, Maggie, and Madison

I’ve never been peach picking before. I thought it would be similar to apple picking, but it was a little different.

When we go apple picking, we hit a few trees and get more apples than our box can hold. It doesn’t take very long. When we went peach picking, however, it took much longer. The peaches were much harder to find and were few and far between. We might walk past three or four trees before we would find a peach hiding in there.

The peaches are amazing, so much better than the ones from the grocery store! They’re beautiful and so flavorful and juicy. We cut up a bunch of them and froze them for smoothies and for baking, and this morning I made a peach crumble for the first time.

peach crumble
Peach Crumble: I took out some before I remembered to take a picture

Enjoying the Fruit of Somebody’s Hard Work

I got to thinking about the peaches and the peach trees and all the work that has gone into that little piece of paradise we got to enjoy yesterday. The trees gave us shade and brought relief from the hot sun. The peaches were fun to pick but are also going to provide great snacks and desserts.

picking a peach
Malachi picking a peach

Somebody spent hours and hard work and sweat to produce what we got to partake in yesterday. All we had to do was show up, walk around a little, and pick a few peaches. We got to enjoy the fruit of somebody else’s labor. (literally)

box of peaches
Our box of peaches

Working at Our Craft

For so many of us, that’s sort of the way life is. We work so hard at our craft or at our job. Somebody shows up to partake in our work. They spend a few minutes engaging with our life’s work or business, and then they move on. It’s simply a transaction for them. For us, however, it’s our life’s work. It’s a representation of our blood, sweat, and tears. It represents our dreams and goals and aspirations. It’s a showing of everything we’ve sacrificed to get to where we are today. Yet to others, it’s simply an experience, a product, a sampling. They will enjoy it and move on.

As an author and blogger, I spend so much time writing. I pour myself into my work, run on little sleep, race against deadlines, try to keep up with everything, and give everything I’ve got into my writing, my books, my blog, and my other products. Then somebody comes along and buys one of my books, spends a few hours reading it (or doesn’t finish it) and leaves a review for how well they think I did. They move on with their life. Meanwhile, I’m still there working on the next book, giving everything I’ve got to make it the best it can be and to get it out on time.

Building Resentment

If I’m not careful, this entire process builds resentment. It creates feelings of frustration and annoyance. I can get pulled down into thinking I’m not good enough; I’m a failure. I can get frustrated with people who didn’t live up to my expectations.

Living like this is exhausting and frustrating. I’ve got to learn to treat it like some farmer in Lancaster does. He works the ground, grows the trees, produces the fruit and doesn’t get an ounce of credit for his or her work. Why do they keep doing it then? For the joy it brings to others. Because this is what God created them to do, and they feel incredible fulfillment in living out their purpose.

Stick with It

I don’t know what Your purpose is, but I want to encourage you not to give up on it. Don’t get weary and discouraged and walk away because you feel like nobody is noticing. Here’s the thing: they are noticing. You made somebody’s day today, because you showed up and did your thing. I had an amazing experience with my family because somebody has been taking care of those peach trees.

I rolled out a book this week. It hasn’t gone crazy; my books never do. If I’m not careful, I get discouraged and want to give up. Yet this week, I received this text from one of my readers.

Book 2 might be my favorite book you have written so far. I definitely love this new series!

That was enough to put wind in my sails and remind me of why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Don’t Quit

I say all that to say this: whatever you’re doing, working at, creating, performing, serving…Keep at it. Keep showing up and doing what you do best. Continue to create the best product or service you can. Don’t give up even though you may not see the fruit of your labor.

I can guarantee you that there are people who absolutely love what you are doing or creating, and they would be lost without it. So keep drawing, writing, serving, baking, creating, caring for, tending…keep on doing whatever it is you do that makes you, you. Because there’s somebody out there that needs you to keep doing it.

For More Encouragement

For more encouragement, read my post Don’t Give Up on the Dream God has Given You or check out Matt’s book, Breakthrough: Transforming the Death of a Dream to the Birth of a Breakthrough.

The Eight-Step Process of Faith

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woman walking in the water

Our Crazy Heat Wave

We just came out of a heat wave here in the Philadelphia area. The temperatures have been soaring, and so has the humidity. A few days ago, I was driving and looked down to see the dashboard said the temperature was 100 degrees. A glance at my phone showed the heat index was above 107. Basically, it was hot! It’s the kind of heat and humidity that you just walk outside and instantly get soaked.

And then this morning, I opened the door to take out the trash and was shocked to feel a cool breeze. The heat had broken and so had the humidity. I opened the front door, the back door, and all the windows. I can’t keep the smile off my face because it’s the first hint of fall coming.

Getting a Break

Sometimes life is like that. It’s so hard and heavy, and it feels like you’re just never going to get a break. Then one morning, you wake up and realize that your heart is lighter. The worst has passed, or has begun to pass. You begin to feel hope for the first time in a very long time.

You look up and feel God’s presence, his goodness for the first time in a long time. He’s been there all along, but you just awakened anew to his presence.

Walking on the Water and Our Faith

I think that’s similar to how Peter felt in his famous story of walking on the water. He went through the process in a few seconds of what we go through for weeks and months at a time.

Peter’s Eight-Step Process of Walking on Water Compared to the Faith Process

  1. Peter got excited about the possibilities—walking on the water. How could you not? Similarly, we get excited about what God has for us.
  2. We trust God and step out in faith, and it feels really good…for a little bit.
  3. Then reality hits. The waves come and threaten to wipe you out. All you can see is the storm and the huge waves.
  4. Our trust wavers, and we falter. We question God and question why we even stepped out in the first place.
  5. Instead of reaching out to the one who can save us, we look at everything around us, trying to work it out by ourselves.
  6. Finally, at the end of ourself, we look up and ask Jesus for help. Jesus reaches out and pulls us back up.
  7. We stand on solid ground again and look around, surprised that God got us through it.
  8. Then Jesus asks, “Why did you doubt me?” Read Jesus’ response to Peter.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

Matthew 14: 31

The Process of Faith

The process of faith is pretty comparable to the process of walking on water that Peter did. I don’t know which number in the progression you’re in today, but the fact of the matter is that you are in one of those phases, or you’re getting ready to go back into that process. That’s just how life is, how God works. I’ve seen it over and over and over again.

We could speed the entire process up if we skipped the not having faith part, not trusting God to get us through. If we just went right from stepping out to do something great for God to asking Jesus for his help and trusting him to get us through it, we could save ourselves some heartbreak. Maybe a lot of heartbreak. Sadly, it’s just not the way most of us process things. We usually skip right to the stage where reality hits, and we begin to question God’s goodness and faithfulness.

What if we didn’t? What if when the hard times come, we didn’t waste energy on doubt and fear, on doubting God’s goodness and faithfulness; and we didn’t spend time questioning our faith? Maybe we could get through the process in half the time. Maybe God could trust us with more. More blessing, more opportunities, more relationships…just more.

Commit to Skipping Right to the Faith Step

For as many years as I have been a Christian, for as many trials and hard times God has gotten me through, my default when hard times come is to doubt. I doubt God’s goodness, I feel like he’s forgotten me, and I’m convinced that this will be the one time that everything comes crashing down around me.

Let’s commit to choosing to skip those steps in the middle. Let’s just skip right to the part where we call on Jesus and trust him to get us through. We will save ourselves a lot of heartache in the middle. I am committing to do the same.

More Encouragement

For more encouragement, check out my post Developing a Faith that’s Strong Enough to Stand On, or check out my book, The Hidden Pain: When You Fear God is No Longer Blessing Your Life.

You Can Avoid Making Foolish Decisions

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Making Foolish Decisions

I was talking with somebody recently who made a really foolish decision, one they can’t come back from. It’s permanent, and nothing they can do will change it. Matt and I spent a lot of time thinking through the situation. Why? Why did they come to this decision? What motivated them to do it?

This isn’t the first time we’ve dealt with a situation like this, and it won’t be the last. We spend a lot of time wondering what we could have done differently or said differently. Most often, it comes back to the fact that a person simply didn’t use wisdom to make the decision. They made a rush decision; they didn’t think through the consequences. Maybe they didn’t see the full picture. Whatever the case may be, they made a poor decision.

Paul’s Prayer for His Followers

Paul hits this issue head-on in Colossians. He writes a letter to the church in Colossae and tells them that he prays for them without stopping. Why? Because he had the same issues back then that we do today. We all have a tendency to make foolish decisions.

Paul prayed for the believers; he tells them that he prays for God to give them knowledge of his will and wisdom and understanding. In return, their lives will produce fruit.

I broke it down into a graphic.

Asking God for Wisdom

If we want our lives to honor God, we have to have his wisdom. There’s no way around it. We can and will really make a mess of our lives if we don’t get ahold of this principle: We need wisdom, the wisdom that is from God.

So how do we get it? How do we get God’s wisdom? We find the answer in the book of James.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

James 1:5 NLT

We have to ask for it. The only way to avoid making foolish decisions, mistakes that we can’t come back from, is to ask God for wisdom. Continually spend time seeking him and his plan for our lives.

If we have wisdom from God and continue to seek Him and become more like him, then our lives will produce good fruit. We won’t bear the consequences and scars of a life lived foolishly.

More Encouragement

If you find yourself in a place where you have made a foolish decision, don’t give up hope. We’ve all been there; we’ve all made foolish decisions. That’s why we need God. Here’s a video from my husband to check out that will give you hope and encouragement. How to Reset Your Regrets and Start Over.