Tag Archives: grace

What I’m Feeding My Soul

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I don’t know if you’re like me, but I often find myself running around frazzled, defeated, overwhelmed, and most days just plain tired. Part of it is the stage of life I’m in, but part of it is this driving force to work harder, do better, accomplish more. Somehow, I’ve convinced myself that if I just try harder, I can have it all—a clean and organized home, perfect homeschool days, fitting in my writing every day, having people into my home, ministering to others…on and on the list goes. The simple fact is I can’t do everything, not all at the same time. Sometimes, I just need grace. I’m reading Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley right now and loving it. I love all her books! They are so filled with practical wisdom and advice for a mom trying to do it all.

Feeding My Soul

A few days ago, I read something in her book that really made me stop and think about what I’m feeding my soul. Our soul is what makes up our character, thoughts, feelings…who we really are inside.

If our well is fed by a stream of comparison, anxiety, and stress, guess what we will have to give to our families? Sharp words, headaches, and impatience will brim to the top. Nothing good can come out of that poisoned well. But what would we have if we let our wells be filled with things like rest, laughter, confidence, good tea, hugs, and adventure? I want to overflow with that sweet water.

from Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley

What Comes Out of the Heart

Jesus taught this same message to his disciples when he talked about fruit. He taught that a good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. Then he talked about our hearts—how what we say comes out of our heart.

 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

Luke 6:45 NLT

Pulling from a Poisoned Well

If we constantly fill our soul with social media, carefully curated images of other people’s homes, comparison, anxiety, stress, feelings of not enough, overwhelm, shame, and guilt, what’s going to come out?

First, there’s the emotional toll—anger, bitterness, gossip, the need to put others down. Then comes the physical toll—headaches, body pain, sleepless nights, heart racing, and more. Just like Emily said, it’s like pulling from a poisoned well.

Why would we do that to ourselves? Why would we fill our minds with things that don’t bring us peace, hope, and joy? I think it has to do with the fact that it’s easy; it’s mindless. In a world that’s filled with stress and decisions and work to be done, it’s easier to just sit and mindlessly scroll.

Filling Up With Joy

Instead, we need to find opportunities for joy. Do more things that make us smile, that fill us up. Spend more time doing the things we love with the people we love most. I’m not good at this, at all; but it’s something I want to do better with.

This last week, we got a chance to do this. We got to spend a few days at the beach with my parents. We spent time together eating good food, laughing, playing games, and just spending time together. We also fit in a few sunrises because that brings me incredible joy.

What can you do right now in your present circumstances to add more of what you love, what brings you joy, what fills you up? How can you spend more time doing things with the people you love and putting into them instead of into things that don’t matter. I’m challenging myself to find ways to spend more time doing things with my kids, creating opportunities for love and laughter, and finding ways to just add more joy to my life.

More Encouragement

For more encouragement on this topic, check out my post, My Reminder from a Heart in the Sand.

There’s Beauty in the Unmaking

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the unmaking of a tree

Beauty in the Unmaking

There’s beauty in the unmaking of something. I saw this tree a few days ago when I was out walking and snapped a picture. My daughter asked me why I took the picture. To her it was just an ugly tree losing its bark. To me, it was a beautiful picture of what could be.

At first glance, the tree does look kind of ugly. In this moment, it’s a tree that doesn’t command our interest. It’s in the middle of undergoing the changing process. But when all the bark comes off, it will be beautiful in its natural form. 

God’s Work of Unmaking Us

I feel at times like this tree—God is unmaking me and unraveling me, piece by piece. Sometimes I feel like by the time he’s done, I won’t have anything left. Sometimes it’s painful. The more God reveals my weaknesses and changes me, the more I feel broken and unusable. And yet there’s a beauty in the unmaking, well maybe not in the unmaking, but in the finished product. There’s beauty in seeing something in its true nature—raw, unfiltered, without makeup, no touch ups… just as it really is. 

That’s what we look for in others, right? Openness, trueness, authenticity. Yet, why is it so hard to produce it in our own lives? Because it’s painful. It’s painful to be stripped bare; it’s painful to be unmade. Yet when God wants to use us, this is exactly what he does.

Real-Life Examples

Look at some of the examples from the Bible—Jonah, Peter, Elijah, and Moses. Jonah was thrown overboard a ship and forgotten. Peter denied Christ and lost his reputation and credibility. Moses was left on the backside of a desert, seemingly forgotten for 40 years. And Elijah hid and was fed from birds while trying to escape for his life for a time.

These men were stripped of their title, rank, credibility, and pride. Only then did God decide He decide could use them. Jonah was used to preach one of the greatest revivals in history. Peter preached at Pentecost and thousands came to Christ. Elijah battled against the prophets of Baal and won, and Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt and through the Red Sea on dry land. The timing was different for each of them. It was 3 days for Jonah, 50 days for Peter, an unknown time for Elijah, and 40 years for Moses. (Here’s an important side note- don’t compare your story to anybody else’s. It won’t help! God works in each of our lives differently. We can’t compare our story to anybody else’s story or experience.)

Coming to the End of Ourselves

It’s only when we come to the end of ourselves that we find God’s grace is enough. When we are at our lowest, when we are at our weakest…that’s when God can use us. His strength becomes our strength.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I Corinthians 12:9,10 KJV

If you’re in a place today where you feel like God is unraveling you or unmaking you, I get it. I’m there myself. Don’t give up. Instead, release yourself to the process. Cling to Him during the process and trust him to get you through it.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Psalm 55:22 NLT

This unmaking of you won’t be the breaking of you. Instead, it will produce something far more beautiful.

For More Encouragement

For more encouragement on this topic, check out my book, The Hidden Pain: When You Fear God is No Longer Blessing Your Life.

Our Week in the ICU and God’s Grace for Every Moment

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Needing God’s Grace and Strength

Last Sunday, I stood before our church family and gave one of the points of Matt’s message for the day. The point was this… God allows weakness into our lives so that we fully depend on God’s grace and strength. I spoke about how there is never going to be a day that we don’t need God. I had no idea that those words were about to play out in my life in a very real way. 

On Monday afternoon, we took our five-year old, Macey, to the emergency room. She had been throwing up for twenty-four hours and grown progressively weaker and dehydrated. She got to the point where she could no longer walk and had to be carried. 

Transfer to Chop

By the time we got to the emergency room, she was pretty much comatose. We could barely get her to respond, her heart rate was really high, and her eyes were sunken in. They immediately told us they suspected type 1 diabetes. Soon, they drew her blood and told us that her sugars were 1795—something they had never seen before. They immediately contacted Children’s Hospital of Pennsylvania to come pick her up and transfer her.

Macey was completely comatose for the transport to CHOP. There was a team waiting for her in the ICU when we got there and they immediately got to work. They got three IVs going, and she was put on fluids and insulin. 

The Next Forty-Eight Hours

Over the course of the next forty-eight hours, she had blood work every two hours, finger pricks, shots, and more. They couldn’t get her blood to draw easily, so every time was complete torture—her screaming and crying for it to stop for twenty minutes every time. 

Every night when I laid down around midnight to get a little rest in between blood work, after Matt had gone home to be with our other kids and I was alone, the tears would start. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough. I can’t take her pain. I hate this…”

Each morning, I would wake up, pray for a few minutes, read some of my Bible on my phone and start again. God would carry me through the day once again. It was literally an hour by hour thing of depending on God to get me through.

On Thursday, I got to hold her for the first time. Neither one of us said anything. She was just grateful to be held, and I was grateful to hold my little girl in my arms.

We got to leave the ICU on Thursday night and move to the endocrinology floor where Matt and I continued our training to be able to care for her at home.

We finished our training late Friday afternoon and finally got to begin the discharge process. Then, around dinner time, we got to take our precious girl home.

Our Lives Forever Changed

Our lives have forever changed, and so has Macey’s. We had absolutely no idea what we were dealing with when they diagnosed her. Wrongly, we assumed that we would have to limit her sugar, help her eat healthy and exercise, and give insulin when needed. 

We couldn’t have been more wrong. What we didn’t know was that Type 1 Diabetes is an auto-immune disease for which there is no cure. It’s not maintained by diet and exercise.

Simply put, her pancreas doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. Because of that, she can’t put anything into her mouth ever again without first taking insulin. That means she has to check her blood sugar with finger pricks five to eight times a day and get as many shots.

We have to figure out how what and how much she is going to eat every time she eats and figure out how much insulin to give her before she eats. That doesn’t include a nightly dose of insulin as well as checking anytime throughout the day when we suspect her sugars are low or high. 

When we sat down and told her what was happening at the hospital—that she has diabetes and we were going to have to continue the finger pricks and shots at home, she cried… and my heart broke. To have to continue this every day for the rest of her life is staggering. To be the one to do it to her is absolutely crushing.  

The events of last week have been the hardest thing Matt and I have ever dealt with, and it’s not over. It’s just beginning. 

Grace for Today

When I opened my eyes on Saturday morning after a short, interrupted sleep, I thought of the words I spoke on Sunday…just a few days before. That there isn’t going to be a day we don’t need God. I recalled the verse I used from II Corinthians.

Paul asked for his problem to be taken away, and God said no. God didn’t take Paul’s problems away; instead He responded with this these words.

My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

II Corinthians 12:9

During those long days in the hospital, those words were all that I had to cling to. That his grace and strength would be enough to carry me through to face another hour and another day. That he will be there for my little girl just as much as he was for me. 

Our New Normal

Life looks a little different at the Manney house than it did just a week ago. We have things I never thought we’d have like a medical shelf in our closet filled with syringes, glucose strips, alcohol wipes, and more. We have a medic bag we take with us everywhere we go.

It’s amazing, though, how God’s grace carries us through. Just a few days ago, I felt hopeless, confused, and exhausted. Yet, we are adjusting to this new normal and continuing on with life just as we did before Macey’s diagnosis. That’s God’s grace.

God's grace- Macey coloring

Macey is smiling again; she’s going to be just fine. Are there challenges ahead? Yes. Is everything perfect? No. Are there hard moments and tough days? Yes. But God will get us through them by His grace…one day at a time.

God’s Grace for Today

If you’re going through something today, and you don’t know how you can make it through. I understand; I get it. The words of hope I want to give you are the same words I clung to last week. God’s grace is enough for today. Cling to that thought today and let God’s Grace and strength carry you through the next day, the next hour, the next minute even. Don’t look ahead to the future; just focus on today.

More Encouragement

Two books to give you hope when you’re going through a difficult season would be It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lisa TerKeurst and my book, The Hidden Pain. Or check out these blog posts: When Problems Disrupt Our Lives and How to Prepare My Heart for a Difficult Season of Life.

Offering Grace When I Want to Offer Shame

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Shaming Others

Shame is so prevalent in our culture today– especially in church, which is where I have spent my entire life. Now, nobody walks up to you and says, “Shame on you. You shouldn’t have…” fill in the blank. Nobody actually says that, but it’s implied. So we walk around with feelings of shame for the things we have done wrong. We get so discouraged with ourselves, our mistakes, our failures, and our shortcomings because people keep reminding us of them.

Why is that? We are Christians. We are supposed to be walking around full of grace and extending grace to others. Isn’t that what Jesus does for us? Jesus forgives us day after day for the same things over and over and over again.

Choosing to Extend Grace

You know what’s really hard? To extend grace to someone who has hurt us. Being a pastor’s wife, I am no stranger to hurt. People say things about my husband, about me, and about our ministry. Matt continually tells me, “We have to develop tough skin but keep a tender heart.” Let me tell you– I am bad at both of those things! I am not  good at taking criticism from people. People can be mean. It’s especially hard to take criticism when the criticism isn’t even true.

When I am criticized, there are two things that I am really trying to work on. Number one, I am trying to learn not to defend myself. Number two, I am trying to learn not to shame those who are criticizing me, but extend grace to them, even when they have hurt me.

Choosing to Look Past the Hurt

There is a very familiar saying that says, “Hurting people hurt people.” Whatever is going on in their own personal life is directly impacting why they are lashing out at me. I have to ask God to help me extend grace to them instead of shame. I want to tell everybody around me how they hurt me, how untrue their words are, how unspiritual they are, and so much more. Instead, I have to choose to not talk about it with other people. That is hard! I want to shame them and put them in their place, but I have to choose to offer grace instead. Grace offers them dignity by not talking to others about it. Grace is hard! But grace is what I keep asking Jesus to give to me, so how can I not extend it to others!