Needing God’s Grace and Strength
Last Sunday, I stood before our church family and gave one of the points of Matt’s message for the day. The point was this… God allows weakness into our lives so that we fully depend on God’s grace and strength. I spoke about how there is never going to be a day that we don’t need God. I had no idea that those words were about to play out in my life in a very real way.
On Monday afternoon, we took our five-year old, Macey, to the emergency room. She had been throwing up for twenty-four hours and grown progressively weaker and dehydrated. She got to the point where she could no longer walk and had to be carried.
Transfer to Chop
By the time we got to the emergency room, she was pretty much comatose. We could barely get her to respond, her heart rate was really high, and her eyes were sunken in. They immediately told us they suspected type 1 diabetes. Soon, they drew her blood and told us that her sugars were 1795—something they had never seen before. They immediately contacted Children’s Hospital of Pennsylvania to come pick her up and transfer her.
Macey was completely comatose for the transport to CHOP. There was a team waiting for her in the ICU when we got there and they immediately got to work. They got three IVs going, and she was put on fluids and insulin.
The Next Forty-Eight Hours
Over the course of the next forty-eight hours, she had blood work every two hours, finger pricks, shots, and more. They couldn’t get her blood to draw easily, so every time was complete torture—her screaming and crying for it to stop for twenty minutes every time.
Every night when I laid down around midnight to get a little rest in between blood work, after Matt had gone home to be with our other kids and I was alone, the tears would start. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough. I can’t take her pain. I hate this…”
Each morning, I would wake up, pray for a few minutes, read some of my Bible on my phone and start again. God would carry me through the day once again. It was literally an hour by hour thing of depending on God to get me through.
On Thursday, I got to hold her for the first time. Neither one of us said anything. She was just grateful to be held, and I was grateful to hold my little girl in my arms.
We got to leave the ICU on Thursday night and move to the endocrinology floor where Matt and I continued our training to be able to care for her at home.
We finished our training late Friday afternoon and finally got to begin the discharge process. Then, around dinner time, we got to take our precious girl home.
Our Lives Forever Changed
Our lives have forever changed, and so has Macey’s. We had absolutely no idea what we were dealing with when they diagnosed her. Wrongly, we assumed that we would have to limit her sugar, help her eat healthy and exercise, and give insulin when needed.
We couldn’t have been more wrong. What we didn’t know was that Type 1 Diabetes is an auto-immune disease for which there is no cure. It’s not maintained by diet and exercise.
Simply put, her pancreas doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. Because of that, she can’t put anything into her mouth ever again without first taking insulin. That means she has to check her blood sugar with finger pricks five to eight times a day and get as many shots.
We have to figure out how what and how much she is going to eat every time she eats and figure out how much insulin to give her before she eats. That doesn’t include a nightly dose of insulin as well as checking anytime throughout the day when we suspect her sugars are low or high.
When we sat down and told her what was happening at the hospital—that she has diabetes and we were going to have to continue the finger pricks and shots at home, she cried… and my heart broke. To have to continue this every day for the rest of her life is staggering. To be the one to do it to her is absolutely crushing.
The events of last week have been the hardest thing Matt and I have ever dealt with, and it’s not over. It’s just beginning.
Grace for Today
When I opened my eyes on Saturday morning after a short, interrupted sleep, I thought of the words I spoke on Sunday…just a few days before. That there isn’t going to be a day we don’t need God. I recalled the verse I used from II Corinthians.
Paul asked for his problem to be taken away, and God said no. God didn’t take Paul’s problems away; instead He responded with this these words.
My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
II Corinthians 12:9
During those long days in the hospital, those words were all that I had to cling to. That his grace and strength would be enough to carry me through to face another hour and another day. That he will be there for my little girl just as much as he was for me.
Our New Normal
Life looks a little different at the Manney house than it did just a week ago. We have things I never thought we’d have like a medical shelf in our closet filled with syringes, glucose strips, alcohol wipes, and more. We have a medic bag we take with us everywhere we go.
It’s amazing, though, how God’s grace carries us through. Just a few days ago, I felt hopeless, confused, and exhausted. Yet, we are adjusting to this new normal and continuing on with life just as we did before Macey’s diagnosis. That’s God’s grace.
Macey is smiling again; she’s going to be just fine. Are there challenges ahead? Yes. Is everything perfect? No. Are there hard moments and tough days? Yes. But God will get us through them by His grace…one day at a time.
God’s Grace for Today
If you’re going through something today, and you don’t know how you can make it through. I understand; I get it. The words of hope I want to give you are the same words I clung to last week. God’s grace is enough for today. Cling to that thought today and let God’s Grace and strength carry you through the next day, the next hour, the next minute even. Don’t look ahead to the future; just focus on today.
More Encouragement
Two books to give you hope when you’re going through a difficult season would be It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lisa TerKeurst and my book, The Hidden Pain. Or check out these blog posts: When Problems Disrupt Our Lives and How to Prepare My Heart for a Difficult Season of Life.
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Praying for Macey, and your whole family! Sending our love💕. Don and Kitty
Thank you so much!!
I am so glad that God protected your little girl through all of that. You will all be in my prayers as you face this “new normal”, which I’m sure most of us can’t comprehend. This is such a powerful testimony about how God gives us such amazing grace in our times of weakness and trial. He is so good and worthy to be praised. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much! He does give amazing grace! That’s been so evident.
Praying for you all. God will get you through this but it will take time. Our niece had this but now at 25 is doing fine. I will pray you get a pump as that will help a lot. Love you lots.
Amanda thank you so much for sharing your thoughts as you faced this very difficult time in your life’s journey. It is evident to me that God’s immeasurable grace sustained you as you worked through all the fluctuating emotions that accompanied Macy’s unexpected diagnosis. Your sister has kept me informed of Macy’s progress and my husband and I have kept her in our prayers for we know personally the moment to moment challenges that can accompany this condition. I am so thankful to know the Lord and to have the assurance of his presence, strength and grace for every moment of the journey. Continuing in prayer for all of you.
Thank you so much, Mrs. Wilkes! That means so much to us!