Sunrise at the Beach
Last week, we were at the beach for a week with my husband’s family. My husband, Matt and I decided to get up early each morning and walk to the beach, so we could watch the sunrise. It was amazing!
Matt and I will celebrated fifteen years of marriage this year. Do you know how many years it’s taken for both of us to get up early to go watch the sunrise at the beach? 14 years. This is the first year we’ve done it.
For many years, exhaustion kept us from getting much sleep as we had little ones. Other years, he got up early on a morning I didn’t or I did when he didn’t. This year we both were on the same page and went every morning together. After that, we would jump in the van and drive twenty minutes to the nearest Starbucks to get coffee. It was like a mini date every morning. It was amazing, but once again I repeat… it’s taken us fourteen years.
The Process of Time
When Matt and I first got married, I hated being a newly wed. I wanted to just jump ahead to being married several years. Similarly, I wanted to skip the newly wed fights and trying to figure each other out.
What I didn’t understand as a new wife was that there was nothing I could do to rush through the process of growing our relationship. Some things come with only with time, and a good marriage is one of them.
We can only get out of our relationships what we put into them. Am I saying that Matt and I have a perfect marriage? Nope. Far from it. Do we fight? Yes. Do we get angry and frustrated with each other? Yes. Have we said things we regret? All the time. Although we fight, we continue to choose to ask for forgiveness and choose to love the other person regardless.
We don’t get it all right, but we have figured out five ways to connect with each other on a regular basis.
5 Ways to Connect Regularly with Your Husband
1. Schedule a regular date night. We are blessed to live near family that can watch our kids, so we can have a date night each week. We go on a date every Thursday with very few exceptions.
2. Figure out a time to spend together every single day. We spend our mornings together. Matt and I get up early every morning and do our morning time routine at the table together. We enjoy the time together before the kids get up.
3. Spend time talking to your husband. It sounds so simple, but don’t underestimate the power of this. One of the common characteristics of couples we counsel who are on the verge of divorce is that they don’t talk with their spouse; they don’t connect with them on a regular basis.
4. Choose to forgive again and again. I am ashamed to say that it took me several years of being married before I would ever be the first one to say “I’m sorry.” There is incredible power behind the words, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” So many marriages could be saved if we could just learn to humble ourselves and say those words.
5. Lastly, figure out a time to connect physically. We schedule a weekly time to be physically intimate. We’ve told other couples this in counseling, and people are always are shocked when we say this. It sounds so unromantic. But the fact of the matter is, most couples struggles with their sex life. We learned early on that the best way to be consistent was to schedule it in.
Start Connecting This Week
These are just a few ideas to get you started connecting with your spouse. It’s an area we can all grow in. Choose one or two ways to try this next week and see if it doesn’t make a difference in your relationship.
More Encouragement
For more on this topic, check out Pillowfights: Handling Marital Conflict, a book Matt and I wrote or iMarriage—a DVD series by Andy Stanley about staying in love. Or check out my post, All the Ways My Husband Has Hurt Me.