Our Disastrous Date
Last week, Matt and I went to Chick-fil-A for our weekly breakfast date. I was really tired, and that’s not a great setup for a good date. Nevertheless, I pushed myself to get ready and get out the door, convinced I could make this work.
Well, you can probably see the handwriting on the wall. It didn’t go well. We started talking, and I started sharing. No matter what Matt said, no matter how he tried to encourage me, I was just not having it. Finally, he got frustrated because I obviously didn’t want to be pulled out of the dark hole I was in.
By the time our date finished, we hadn’t really solved anything; and both of us were discouraged and frustrated. The drive home was silent. When we got almost home, Matt pulled over. We both knew if we pulled up in front of the house, the kids would come running out. That would ruin any chance we had of trying to make things right. We talked for a few more minutes. Both of us apologized, and I told him I was really tired. I shouldn’t have even brought up some of the things I said because I wasn’t in a frame of mind for dealing with it.
My Meltdown
We came home after that. A few minutes later, I was swamped with school questions, fighting kids, and a messy house. I went upstairs to the bathroom to have a few minutes of peace, if I was lucky. (Moms, you know what I mean!)
I sat down on the toilet with the lid down and looked out the window, utterly dejected. After a few minutes, I prayed and told God how tired and frustrated I was and how I had made such a mess of things on our date. Sitting quietly for a moment, I waited; and God brought this thought to mind.
“Do you feel better? You shared your frustrations, fear, worry, and anger with Matt. Do you feel better for it?” I answered the rhetorical question. No. Ironically, I had done the exact same thing a few weeks ago. I hadn’t felt any better after that date either. So why did I do it again? Then this thought hit me. There are certain fears, worries, cares, concerns that you can only take to God. Once that thought hit me, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It suddenly seemed so clear. I was trying to get Matt to meet this deep inner need that he was never going to be able to meet.
My Struggle was with God
See the struggle I was having was with God. I was frustrated with God not coming through on things I thought he should. My faith was fragile that day. I was hurt and felt unloved by God. All of those things I was feeling should have been directed to and dealt with by God. Instead, I took them to my husband, expecting him to be able to do something about it.
God reminded me in the few silent minutes I carved out in the bathroom that there are certain needs I have that only God can fill. That emptiness, loneliness, hurt, and pain is a God-sized hole in our heart that only he can fill.
I’m not going to be a sadist and say that you need to go at it alone, that only God can meet your needs, and you don’t need other people. That’s absolutely not true, and God has really showed me over the last few years how incredibly much I need people in my life. But there are times, I believe, that only God can meet us in that dark place that we’re in. And if we try to tell other people about it or bring them into the darkness with us, it only makes things worse.
Finding God in the Darkness
So, if you find yourself in the boat I was in, if you feel like your heart is cracking. You’re struggling with your faith, hurt, and fears. You’ve tried to talk to other people, but no matter what they say, you can’t be encouraged, it may be that you have a God problem that only God can fix.
So stop getting frustrated with people who can’t fix you. Look up and talk to the only one who can really meet you in this dark place. Let him be the one to hear your burdens, fears, worries, and concerns. Remember I Peter 5: 7, one of my favorite verses.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
I Peter 5:7
If we can begin to understand this concept of taking our deepest fears and concerns to God instead of other people, we will find he is there for us. He’s been waiting all along to carry those burdens for us; he was just waiting for us to release them to him.
More Encouragement
For more encouragement along these lines, check out my post, Finding the Tenacity to Wrestle with God. A good book recommendation is Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. I read it a few years ago and need to read it again. It’s a really good book.
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I’m starting to think that you have cameras in my house…. Or you can see right inside my head!!! Haha! And it only adds to it since our husbands have the same name….” I was trying to get Matt to meet this deep inner need that he was never going to be able to meet.” 😊 Once again God used your words to speak right to my heart. Thank you as always!!! Keep pressing on… You and Matt encourage SO many. My heart has been changed again today because He used you! Have a great day and know I am praying for you and your family!!!
Aw, thanks so much for posting this, Jen. I really appreciate it! I’m so glad to know it was an encouragement to you. I just keep writing what God’s doing in my heart and life and hope it encourages somebody else along the way! Thanks for the prayers and the encouragement, Friend!